Women, Children Always Victims
People wait outside the Indramayu Religious Court in Indramayu, West Java, on Monday (16/10). Indramayu has one of the largest numbers of divorce cases, handling about 20 cases a day.
Thirteen-year-old Cusyanto had not finished asking his parents questions about their planned divorce when tragedy struck. His mother, Daliri, was reportedly killed by her own husband, Dupendi.
That Sunday afternoon (15/10), Cusyanto was sitting in contemplation in a bamboo chair at his family’s home in Blok Waledan of Lamarantarung village, Cantigi district, Indramayu regency, West Java.
His eyes were still wet as though they held a flood of tears. His glance would occasionally turn to his younger brothers, Suwanta, 8, and Suhedi, 3. They now have to face the reality that their mother was dead, reportedly killed by Daliri’s own husband – their father.
The tragic incident happened in Blok Ombe, Lamarantarung village, Friday (6/10). On a footpath running between fishponds, an axe belonging to Dupendi, 35, which was used to cut down trees, had been used to kill Daliri, 30.
Daliri fell and died instantly. After the incident, Dupendi tried to hack himself to death but was saved. He is now in hospital receiving intensive care.
Based on the ensuing investigation, Dupendi was not able to contain his rage and carried out the act of violence on his wife because she refused his proposal to get back together. The two were undergoing a divorce trial at the Indramayu Religious Court.
Ato (Cusyanto’s nickname) was still in shock, said his aunt Saridah, 26. According to the version of the story she had heard, Daliri, Saridah’s elder sister, had asked for a divorce from a month ago. “The trigger was a financial problem. Her husband had not been providing for the family,” she said.
Daliri had been working as a harvester at a fish farm, earning Rp 50,000 to Rp 100,000 a day. However, her income was not fixed because fish are not harvested every day. In fact, she sometimes worked only two weeks in a single month. She had even gone to Jakarta with her husband, who had gone there to work as a scavenger.
Financial constraints caused Ato to drop out of school when he was in the second grade, and he had to help his mother work at the fishpond. According to Saridah’s account of Daliri’s side of the story, the divorce was also prompted by her husband’s violent behavior.
Daliri’s family has left the case to the police. What is on her mind now is caring for Ato and his two brothers Suwanta and Suhedi. Suwanta is currently in the first grade.
Saridah, who still lives at her parents’ house, is concerned about the development of her nephews, particularly Suhedi, who calls for his mother every night.
Being a migrant worker
Suaib (not his real name), 13, has also experienced the complexities of divorce. Suaib lives in Singaraja, Indramayu. When he was still in the second grade, he was not accompanied by his mother, who goes by the pseudonym Mutia, 35. His mother had been forced to go to Saudi Arabia to earn a living as an Indonesian migrant worker (TKI).
When his mother was in Saudi Arabia, her husband asked her for a divorce. No one knew the real reason behind it, but was believed to be because of financial problems. Now, Mutia has no choice but to live in her parents’ house. She has to work hard to support Suaib, who is now in junior high school. Mutia now sells crackers while looking for another opportunity to work as a migrant worker.
Ato and Suaib are an example of the fate of hundreds of children whose parents are divorced. Based on data at the Indramayu Religious Court, 7,430 married couples divorced in 2015. In 2016, the number increased to 7,594 couples, or 20 couples per day.
According to Wahid Afani, a public relations officer at the court, financial problems are the most often cited reason for divorce, such as the inability of the head of the household to fulfill the family’s financial needs.
“Meanwhile, the wives generally work overseas as migrant workers. However, the husbands often spend the money their wives send home, and not for family needs. Because of this, it is the wives that mostly file for divorce,” he said.
Other factors that lead to divorce are prolonged personal conflicts and arguments between husband and wife, abandonment, polygamy and domestic violence, as well as forced marriages and husbands’ gambling habits.
“This shows that women and children are often the victims,” said Farida Mahri, the coordinator of Wangsakerta, a community that focuses on women’s empowerment in the Cirebon area.
“Women are always expected to be subservient to the husband. Even through violence, if ‘necessary’. Men feel they have more power. In the end, there is no equal communication,” she said.
Therefore, it is important that education on family resilience is provided ahead of marriages. The government also needs to think of ways to care for children who are victims of divorce.
Many factors
There are many factors that trigger divorces, but there are three main reasons for divorce in Purbalingga regency, Central Java. Throughout 2016, the Purbalingga Religious Court handled 2,243 divorce cases. The three causes of divorce are abandonment, family discord and financial problems.’
“There are many causes of divorce. Some are because one of the parties left, some are because of arguments, financial problems and there are also those that have become entangled in a legal case. However, the majority is because of (one party) leaving, financial problems and family conflicts,” Purbalingga Religious Court clerk Heru Wahyono said on Friday (20/10) in Purbalingga.
Abandonment can occur when the husband works in another city or as a result of frequent spousal arguments. Financial problems include husbands being deemed unable to provide for the family, husbands being unemployed or working but not providing money to their wives. “The money is used for extramarital relations,” Heru said.
Endang Widowati, head of Social Assistance and Rehabilitation at the Purbalingga Social, Population Control, Family Planning, Women’s Empowerment and Child Protection Agency, said that 7,275 women were listed in 2016 as being socially and financially vulnerable.
“Of that number, only around 80 people have received training and assistance,” Endang said.
The criteria for women to be considered socially and financially vulnerable are those who are aged 18-59, earning an insufficient income or not enough to meet their minimum physical needs, low education, unable to work due to illness, wives abandoned by their husband indefinitely and those unable to earn a living.
