Sumantri falls silent. And he releases his mother's breasts from his mouth. Dewi Sokawati thinks her son understands and accepts all that she has said. She smiles happily. She picks up her son and offers him to the moon. It seems as though she is asking the moon to be a witness so her son will keep his promise. And the silence of the night seems to sing along, that it is impossible that her two children will be separated again. A moment later, half of the moon is visible as white clouds envelop it. Is this a sign that the moon is not willing to be a witness? Dewi Sokawati does not care. Strands of mangli (spider lily) hang from the clouds that cover the moon. One by one, the flowers fall to the earth. Once they touch the earth, the flowers change into white champak flowers. Dewi Sokawati picks them up and feels as though she is picking up her sadness again.
Her sorrow grows along with Sumantri, who has stopped suckling. Dewi Sokawati feels that she is at the end of her journey. Her days seem to be in twilight, waiting for the sun to set. The valleys of the Jatisrana hermitage turn into empty ravines. She sits on their edge, waiting. Down below, the river flows. It is unknown where the water will go. All that can be heard is the sound of her sadness in her ears.
"Sokawati, will your sadness truly never end?" asks Begawan Swandagni. He sees how her sorrow has devoured Dewi Sokawati's body. Day by day, she grows thinner. Her face wilts, like the blooms of the wungu (desert petunia) that fall from the top of the temple, because they are farthest from the greeting of the sun’s rays.
Also read:
> The Bajang Child Swings on the Moon (29)
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (28)
“Begawan, at first I thought I am sad because of the loss of my son, Sukrosono. It turns out now that I know I am sad because I am guilty. Why did I want to get pregnant if I did not want to raise the baby? My wrongdoing is unforgivable, even if my son is still alive and I still have the chance to meet him. I am willing, now that my son is gone. But how can I erase my mistake? That is what has made me sad, Begawan. And that sorrow will not go away," said Dewi Sokawati.
Begawan Swandagni falls silent upon hearing his wife's words. He has not wanted to admit thus far that he was mistaken, nor express regret over his decision to throw his ugly son away. He is a priest, how could he have a child with a demon face? Perhaps the child was born of lust. But is it worthy that a priest allows his lust to control him? All becomes his self-defense, which makes him reluctant to express regret and admit his guilt. But since that incident, he has seen how miserable his wife has been day by day because of her sorrow as a result of his decision that night. He could have simply stood firm and hardened his heart against his wife's condition. But he cannot deny that his wife's sorrow has surreptitiously entered him also. The sorrow overtakes him and devours his body. He did not know what sorrow really was before. Only now does he realize that sorrow is a powerful force that pushes him to express regret and admit his mistake. As his body is eaten by sorrow, Begawan Swandagni's hard heart softenes.
"Your mistake is also mine, Sokawati. I am even the one who is most at fault that you have reached such a state of sorrow. May I take the blame so that I can also feel your sorrow, so your sadness will diminish?" Begawan Swandagni finally admits his mistake.
"Thank you, Begawan, you are finally willing to express regret and admit your mistake. But how can you take my mistake from me? We can only bear our mistakes ourselves. And in bearing our mistakes, we will know the heaviness of the sorrow that has befallen each of us," Dewi Sokawati said, resolutely.
"Sokawati, is there no way or possibility for us to escape this mistake that has brought sorrow?" asked Begawan Swandagni.
"There is, Begawan," Dewi Sokawati answered with confidence.
"What is it, Sokawati?"
"It is when Sukrosono, the child we have thrown away, meets his brother, Sumantri."
"That's impossible, Sokawati. We have thrown Sukrosono away, he is gone, and maybe he is dead. How could Sukrosono meet Sumantri?” said Begawan Swandagni, not understanding. Once again, he truly cannot understand how his wife is full of thoughts like this. So he cannot help but argue with his wife again.
“How is it possible for our children to meet each other? How is it possible that you are certain that Sukrosono is still alive and well? He has been swallowed up by the darkness and ferociousness of the jungle, Sokawati.”
Also read:
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon-25
> The Bajang Child Swinging the Moon (24)
“It is possible, Begawan. Sukrosono is still alive. And I can go get him."
"How are you going to go get him, Sokawati?"
"With my death."
“Sokawati!” Begawan Swandagni yelled. He cannot believe his wife could say that. He does not even know the meaning of his wife's words. He only feels how the sorrow blankets him now. And from the sorrow he has experienced, he knows that in sorrow there is death. Inevitably, he has to accept that one day, death will no longer hide in sorrow. And now the time has come for death to reveal itself. Sorrow merely opens the door for it to emerge and reveal its power. The door opens and invites Dewi Sokawati to enter. From the sky falls a rain of flowers in seven colors. The flowers turn into a stair. Dewi Sokawati climbs the flower stair. The smell of kumkuma (saffron powder) spreads through the Jatisrana courtyard, and Dewi Sokawati is gone forever.
That was how Dewi Sokawati told of the events that followed after she left her son, whom she threw away at the edge of Jatisrana Forest. As Dewi Sokawati told her tale, her ugly demon son felt only the greatness of his mother's love and sacrifice. He was so moved that he could not hold back his tears. He could not express his gratitude except by embracing his mother tightly.
This article was translated by Hyginus Hardoyo.
