Stabbing Cases in Australia and the Difficulty of Finding a Romantic Partner

More than 57 percent of people find it difficult to build and maintain romantic relationships. That makes the number of singles continue to rise.

AFP / DAVID GRAY

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Five out of six of the deceased victims are female, while the majority of the 12 injured victims are also female. Police are currently investigating whether the attack specifically targeted women. However, the father, Andrew Cauchi (76), knows why his schizophrenic child targeted women.

”Because he wants a girlfriend and he has no social skills. He was very frustrated," said Andrew Cauchi at his home in Toowoomba, Australia, as quoted by Kompas.id, 15 April 2024. This motive also refutes allegations that this attack was related to a particular ideology.

For some people, difficulty finding and keeping a romantic partner may sound strange. In fact, for those who are single by accident, aka involuntary singlehood, looking for a boyfriend or husband or wife is really a big problem.

Also read: Asia and the Single Phenomenon

It's not that they don't want to find a partner, repeated failures in building relationships with new people really make them tired and frustrated. Starting to establish contact on dating applications, meeting and getting to know each other, whether done alone or through other people; building new hopes and looking for compatibility, but the ends are broken halfway.

In social terms, without meaning to be derogatory, they are often referred to as "single because of fate, not because of principle." Therefore, it is natural that they experience greater emotional stress in dealing with their status. Moreover, in a number of countries, including Indonesia, the slanted view and social pressure towards single people is very large.

KOMPAS/ISMAIL ZAKARIA

Young people sit on the edge of Lendang Luar Beach, Malaka Village, Pemenang Sub-district, North Lombok Regency, West Nusa Tenggara, on Wednesday afternoon (6/3/2024).

Menelaois Apostolou and colleagues' study of 7,181 respondents in 14 countries, not Australia or Indonesia, found 57.5 percent of people had difficulty starting or maintaining romantic relationships. This figure varies between countries with the lowest being China at 24.2 percent and the highest being Japan at 79.3 percent, Brazil (74.4) and Turkey (70.2).

However, not all of the respondents to the study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology, January-March 2023, were single, some were married. Those who are single are divided into three groups, namely 12.9 percent are involuntary singlehood, 15.2 percent are people who consciously choose to live single (voluntary singlehood), and 10 percent are single because they have just finished a relationship and have not yet built a new romantic relationship.

If the results are further analyzed, it is found that 48.2 percent of respondents have difficulty starting a new romantic relationship. However, as many as 38.4 percent of those who are already in a romantic relationship also admit to difficulty in maintaining that relationship. This means that finding a potential partner is much harder than maintaining an existing relationship.

Evolutionary abilities

From an evolutionary perspective, the skill of establishing a romantic relationship or finding a mating partner is universal. However, the survival of the human species is highly dependent on human mating performance, namely the human ability to find and secure a partner.

The success of our ancestors in attracting partners and obtaining sexual access has resulted in humans today inheriting their genetic legacy. Our predecessors who have skills in maintaining relationships and developing cooperative parenting patterns have a greater potential to ensure the survival of their offspring into adulthood and pass on their genetics further.

A person's ability to build and maintain their romantic relationships is largely determined by their attachment style.

The performance of mating as an evolutionary ability is embedded in the human brain and inherited from generation to generation. The problem is that modern humans live differently than their ancestors, so their brains also adapt. Therefore, the adaptation process that was carried out by the ancestors, including the matter of mating performance, may not succeed if applied to humans today.

The difficulties experienced by modern humans in finding partners and maintaining romantic relationships are believed to have started since the Industrial Revolution began.

KOMPAS/AGUS SUSANTO

The presence of dating applications has made it easier for urban communities to meet anywhere, such as in an office building in Central Jakarta, on Friday (1/12/2024).

In most of the human evolution process, anthropological, historical, and phylogenetic evidence shows that decisions for children's marriage were mostly determined by parents through arranged marriages. In addition, men tend to use violence to monopolize access to women. However, there is still a narrow space for humans in the past to choose their own partners, whether through subsequent marriages, divorce, or having extra partners.

The situation is not compatible with modern human life, which has far greater freedom in choosing a partner. Their brain capacity is unable to meet the demands of freedom in choosing a partner, thus triggering high cases of singles who have difficulty finding a partner or poor marital performance.

Modern humans today, according to professor of social psychology at Loyola University, Maryland, United States, Theresa E DiDonato, as written in Psychology Today, February 15 2023, experience a deficit in mating performance so that they are still single despite their biological age. their reproduction is almost exhausted.

The marriage performance that each person possesses generally changes over time. Young people tend to have poor marriage performance, more often failing to find a partner and maintain romantic relationships. However, as they age, humans have ways to adapt to the challenges they face.

Also read: Single and Married Middle Class in the Capital City. Is There a Difference?

As humans get older, they tend to put less stringent requirements in choosing a mating partner. Various demands which are actually only complementary to finding a partner will be put aside and more focused on the main goal of finding a partner and mating. This is where what has been ingrained from the evolutionary process and the adaptation process of modern humans looking for mating partners will adapt to each other.

Bachelor trigger

Menelaos Apostolou and Elli Michaelidou's study of 1,432 Greek-speaking people in Cyprus, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, January 2024, found 17 predictors that are thought to trigger some singles who want to find a partner to have difficulty finding a partner.

For young single women, their difficulty in finding a partner is generally caused by their poor flirting skills, poor sexual function, overly high standards in their selection, and low level of compatibility. The indirect causes are usually related to their poor ability to flirt, namely their high level of shyness, lack of friendliness, and difficulty in understanding signals of romantic attraction.

AP PHOTO/CHARLIE RIEDEL

A man and a woman are looking at the sunset in Kansas, United States, July 10, 2021.

Meanwhile, for single men, the trigger for difficulty in finding a mate is due to their poor seduction skills and high neuroticism, which make them more prone to stress, anxiety, being offended, feeling insecure, and being greatly affected by mood. The reason for being single among men is also triggered by low self-confidence, the perception of being unattractive, and not having children from previous relationships.

The indirect cause of singleness in men is low conscientiousness, which makes a person tend to be impulsive, less structured, and have difficulty focusing on goals. Other triggers are high body mass index or obesity and low self-acceptance.

From this study, Canadian psychologist, Arash Emamzadeh, in Psychology Today, February 2 2024, assessed that the biggest factor that causes someone to be single even though they want a partner is their poor ability to attract or seduce a partner. The impact of this problem is quite large because increasing your flirting ability by just one level will increase your chances of getting an intimate partner up to three times greater.

Nevertheless, the predictor cannot explain the cause-and-effect relationship that can explain why some people are good at flirting and attracting partners, while others struggle to do so.

Also read: Marriage Becomes a Burden and is No Longer a Priority for Young Indonesians

However, the experience of therapy conducted by the London Centre for Applied Psychology (LCAP), a psychological institution in London, England, found that a person's ability to build and maintain their romantic relationships is strongly influenced by their attachment style when building a relationship and their expectations of their partners.

Individuals with secure attachment styles are able to balance the need for closeness and intimacy with others with the need to take risks in desired relationships. When they are upset or hurt, they are able to express it to their partner. People with this attachment style tend to be able to choose a partner and build a healthy relationship.

However, individuals with attachment avoidance style, anxiety, and disorganization tendencies are likely to face many challenges in building and maintaining relationships.

KOMPAS/RIZA FATHONI

The beautiful atmosphere of the park is widely utilized as a background for visitors to take photos at Tebet Eco Park, South Jakarta, on Thursday (March 21st, 2024).

Individuals with an attachment avoidance style tend to see their need for intimacy as a problem for others. People with this type not only avoid romantic relationships as much as possible, but also tend to withdraw when conflicts arise or become angry and feel they are right.

Meanwhile, people with anxious attachment style tend to always be worried about disappointing others. Individuals of this model tend to have difficulty expressing their feelings because their focus is only to please their partner. This type of person is generally more prone to entering romantic relationships to fulfill their attachment needs without considering whether their partner is suitable for them or not.

Meanwhile, people with unorganized attachment styles tend to view their partner as both a source of security and fear at the same time. This type of person is generally raised in a rough and scary environment during childhood. Their behavior tends to be contradictory. They will depend on their partner when they feel safe. However, once intimacy has been established, they feel constrained.

Also read: The Woman Who Waits

Therefore, before entering a relationship, try to get to know the personality or attachment style that each individual possesses. By understanding your own and your partner's character, each couple is able to anticipate what is needed to keep them feeling safe and comfortable in a relationship, and respond appropriately to any hurtful situations.